Single, but not lonely

Single, but not lonely


Sailing solo: Tanuja Chandra
Why is there such a mortal fear of being single? It’s not half as bad as it’s made out to be, declares Tanuja Chandra. Tanuja Chandra is a screenwriter and director

WHEN I was in my late twenties, my parents believed they could find a person for me to marry. And despite my advice to them to abandon this line of thought, because a ‘found’ boy, was not the path to marriage I could possibly tread, they would insist on meeting single, eligible men and their families. These meetings always ended with my parents politely excusing themselves from said company even before tea had been served. I don’t remember all the groom stories they told me, but yes, there was one in which a mother said she had no objections to a ‘career bahu’ as long as I cooked the family’s lunch before leaving for work; and there was another where the boy was going through an unusual dietary phase; he was a Phalaahari, who had consumed only fruit for the past several months; and there was yet another one, where, upon phoning the number given to my parents by a helpful relative, they found out the guy was already married; to cut a short story shorter — arranged marriage didn’t work out for me. And this, I had predicted.


Single, but not lonely


Now, the thing about love, at least the kind I understand, is this: it simply cannot be searched for, no matter how diligently the strategy and plan are chalked out. It has to happen on its own — infrequently, unpredictably and illogically. Admittedly, many have found a kind of love through some sort of arranged meeting; but I also know of several women, who have been fiercely scouring the social landscape for that elusive, wonderful man they will marry, for five, 10 years and it hasn’t yielded just results. Either the guy just stops calling after three meetings or these women find the men less than sensitive, smelly or just not exciting enough. All this only corroborates my thesis: if love has to happen, it will. Or else it won’t.

Why is there such mortal fear of being single? It’s not half as bad as it’s made out to be. The single person has many satisfying re l a t i o n - s h i p s .

One’s relationship w i t h work is nothing if not pass i o n at e, s t e a d f a s t , and intimate. Work is the one thing in life that gives you back what you give it. It’s pulsating and alive, and although filled with huge highs and lows, never does it leave you empty and undone. A project hardly ever fills you with abiding sorrow, even when it isn’t a success. You put your heart into it, and in turn, it will always remain yours.

Nonetheless, what can be tiring, even in this elemental relationship is that one has to continuously sell one’s wares. In the entertainment business, you need to endlessly pitch your ideas and throw yourself into full-bodied marketing to convince sceptics of your talent. That’s a considerable pressure and often debilitating to the spirit. But for those low times, there are friends! Childhood companions, girlfriends! Funny, patient, generous, friends are extended family. With them you are free to be yourself. Free to fight, free to gossip, free to embrace and free to fail. It’s so liberating, it’s as if, with all your awkwardness and ineptness, you fall back into a soft bed to allow yourself to stare at nothing. Of such fun experiences, the world is filled to the brim! There are so many places to travel to, so many different foods to be had! There are books to r e a d , movies to see, websites to be i m m e r s e d into. The occasional hairspa to be enjoyed and the great pair of Italian shoes to be bought! There are nieces and nephews to be adored, and parents to laugh with. Stories to hear and stories to tell.

Oh single world, whatever else, thou art certainly not one-dimensional!

So, single though I am, I hardly am bored, and have never felt sorry for myself. Therein lies the secret. If romance walks through the door someday, it will be welcomed. Not because I’ll be waiting, sad and lonely, ready to fling myself at Cupid’s feet, in tearful gratitude. But because, all loves are welcome. All loves are life. And not all lives have to walk down the regular road to be considered full.